Signs You’re At a Megachurch

I was cleaning out some old files, and discovered this list I made up for a chapel sermon back in 2005:

Benj’s Top Ten Signs You’ve Visited a Megachurch

10. You park in section N3.

9. You take the shuttle from section N3 to the main complex.

8. You see vendors wandering the aisles of the sanctuary selling “Our Daily Bread,” WWJD bracelets, and Ichthus bumper decals.

7. Your kid brother is in a Sunday School class with children born in the same month he was.

6. When you drop him off at Sunday School, you and your brother each receive an irremovable bracelet with a tracking device and a 6-digit ID number.

5. The bulletin is longer than the Dodgers’ yearbook.

4. There are discipleship groups for left-handed, red-headed, former homosexuals.

3. The list of pastors’ phone numbers on the bulletin is longer than the members’ directory of your church back home.

2. The local high-school’s swim team trains in the baptismal during the week.

1. The church’s annual budget and the acreage of the church’s property exceed those of a Middle Eastern country.

Did I miss anything?

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About Benj

I’m a native North Jerseyan, exiled to the land of Phillies fans…an Old Testament professor and former liturgist…husband to Corrie…father to Daniel and Elizabeth…eldest sibling to three, brother-in-law to Josh and Hannah…uncle to Marshall.
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One Response to Signs You’re At a Megachurch

  1. Corrie Giffone says:

    oh yah. I remember this and I liked it.

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